Define your existence

I've always been interested in the unknown or the mystery of my existence. I have to question everything in my life even if there's no concrete answer to every query I have.

Today, a friend accompanied me to meet a mystic. She has been studying her craft practically all her life which is evident when we came to her place. Her house was ornately decorated with Chinese creatures and is richly colored with hues of red, orange, gold, green, etc. We were led to a serenity hut of some sort where I saw most of the books she has been reading and the instruments and paraphernalia she used for doing her craft: Charts, maps, pieces of papers, candles of different colors and shapes, stones, crystals, oddly shaped tools made mostly of some metal and gold, and papers folded in triangles hanging from a wooden figure on the table. I was scared- I'd be a hypocrite to say I wasn't intrigued and at the same time terrified of the idea of coming over there. But I told myself that I have questions that needed answers and if I can't acquire the answers logically, then I would search for the answers no matter how absurd the methods can get.

We sat at the weird looking wooden couch/chairs that were obviously carved from huge pieces of sturdy wood that were intentionally made too look shapeless. But despite the unique design of these chairs, they serve their purpose well. After chatting about the initial things I've seen with my friend, we were soon greeted by a woman of her late 30's wearing a long silk printed dress - not what I was expecting really. I've heard of her skills with mysticism, but she was never described to me physically. In fact I have to admit she was quite a remarkably beautiful woman. She asked my friend as to who will be the first one to have her whole being read and I automatically said the name of the brother of my friend out of nervousness. But she claimed that those were were new to the circle must always be the first one to be read. I sat down at the chair opposite hers with only a table between us and laid out the notorious cards of the future. She asked for my full name and my birthday and of the person I'm currently in a relationship with. I naturally said no one. She then asked me to pick out 13 cards using my left from the set of card that were laid out in front of me.

(lazy writer syndrome. lol)

To sum everything up she claims that my soulmate is dead.  I will practically suffer in terms of love because tracing my roots, my Grandfather and my Father were both womanizers. Most likely I am cursed because of all the bad relationships I've been in. I will never find true love and I will always cry for love (Something I won't deny). I've only loved two men in my life. One is my ex of 4 years and a recent man I've only known for less than a year. She read them well and she was right about one being a womanizer and another finding his soulmate. In terms of school, she was also right about me being bored with Communication Arts and having a passion for Marketing and Business.

Was I moved? I honestly was because of the semi-accurate readings she gave me. But nonetheless, I control my life. I still believe in finding my soulmate despite her claim that he is already dead.

Will I be coming back soon? Maybe if I'm desperate for answers in life I will. But we all know I have a knack for finding things out on my own.

My mind and heart are imploding

I haven't slept in 2 days. I even doubt that I will be able to write anything that's coherent or even close to decent in my blog right now.

To make this much more simpler and tangible, my mind and heart are going berserk right now from all the emotion that I'm feeling. I blame a heartbreak and ending everything that has to do with Jan(my boyfriend of 4 years) both happening on the same day. I don't want to complicate things further. I'm quite the emotional type and no matter how much I try to detach myself from feeling anything, I still end up feeling something. On second thought maybe this is estrogen/progesterone talking on my behalf. I'm surfing the crimson wave and I'm quite cuckoo lately. Writing about this may not be a wise decision as well. :|

For now I have to clear my head and put my thoughts in order - or get some sleep once and for all.

Give me a day to recuperate and I will be up and running in no time.

Self preservation is not only for zombies

A few weeks ago I've started a new diet that does not involve beef at all. People ask me why the sudden madness and I just claim that I never really liked beef. But I guess it's because of a cleansing transformation I'm trying to provide myself with. I've never been conscious of myself even back when I was younger. I was never the type to give importance or weigh on the opinion of others regarding how I look. but now that I'm literally maturing, I decided to put upon myself the responsibility of a healthy lifestyle. What does this mean?

MIND

BODY

SPIRIT

Simple right? Three core objectives and vital elements to create harmony and balance to a being.

To be brutally frank, I don't have knowledge on how I will go upon improving myself. What I did start practicing lately is meditating. I've been into meditating back when I was young out of mere curiosity. But even then, I've appreciated the effects of the practice and I've been reading more on the techniques that I need to apply to get the utmost results I can get on my level. So far I am able to clear my mind and bring more focus into the things that I need to work on more because of meditating. It doesn't hurt to meditate at least 30minutes a day. Some say it seems tedious to be able to accomplish 30 minutes. But if you choose the best music to accompany your experience and you have an open mind and heart for it, you will notice that time just melts away.

Another would have to be starting to appreciate yoga. I would really prefer Tai-chi, but not a lot of studios offer the knowledge and the only place I know that offers it is in UP and is held during Sundays. Sundays is strictly family time for me so no responsibilities on that day. :) My body has been out of shape and my flexibility has definitely deteriorated since I stopped dancing 4 years ago, but I am slowly trying to bring it back to its original state. If I do decide to advance, I would want to try Bikram Yoga, which is yoga done in a heat controlled room similar to a sauna. That way those who are training themselves with the craft are also able to learn more on discipline of the mind and focusing more since it is quite difficult.

Lastly is brushing up on more knowledge. Be it reading more books and reading up on literally everything that i find interesting such as Astrology, herbs, goddesses, the green and animal kingdom (nature. :p), phenomena, myths, history, countries, cultures, religion, mysticism etc. , I make sure that I still read read and read. After all, it has been my passion since I was really young to literally just read a lot. Also, brushing up on my grammar and pronunciation/enunciation. There will always and definitely be more room for improvement.

I'm getting tired of typing and it's 5:02 in the morning. Now that's one thing I think I won't be able to improve on just yet and that's my sleeping habits. :P

Let's start with a heartbreak

Often times people start with the best experiences to flourish a good relationship. With the opposite of the standards, I start my relationship with everyone who comes across this humble blog of mine with a heartbreak.

To start this off, I am Bianca. My age does not define the soul in me. In fact it struggles to come out and venture off to the highest of highest places and just about now I've had my heart broken through a blog, ironically. Actually the blog reinforced all the information I needed from what he said. hahahaha I blame only myself for I have fallen into the trap of unrequited love once again. I know for a fact that I am not alone on this one.

For all you slaves of emotion like I am, I'm quite sure my words speak and narrate your stories as well. :)